Why? Because she is wearing a lot of makeup, because she dyes her hair, because she has had plastic surgery… or really, because she’s pretty and flawless and other girls – in all their insecure glories – are jealous and view such a girl as a threat. Only once or twice did I see a guy chime in on the matter, with an opinion other than “she’s hot.” Guys don’t care. Girls, girls are catty and mean and will not hesitate for a moment to knock someone down a few notches to feel better about themselves.

As someone who does wear a lot of makeup and dyes my hair – things that alter my appearance for aesthetic value – it personally hurts when I see friends completely writing off another woman as “fake” and “disgusting” because she bleaches her hair, wears tons of makeup, and dons a push-up bra to look like Barbie. Would the comments be different had she been a friend of theirs? What would the reactions be like if someone spoke like that about them instead?

When I expressed my concerns over this girl-bashing fad on facebook, the general reaction I got was wholly or partially in favor with my opinion. The girls I’d seen previously bashing other girls on facebook didn’t weigh in on the discussion. One friend commented how she thought makeup was acceptable for self-expression, but not for fashion or “because the boys like it.”

First of all, as someone who took a considerable amount of fashion design classes in high school, I would consider fashion a form of self-expression. Even if you’re someone who follows certain fads and your look changes with the seasons, I believe that’s still a method of expressing yourself through your physical representation. Besides that, why do we even follow fashions anyway? Wear specific clothes, dye and groom our hair, wear makeup… to attract mates and companions. It’s not so silly when you think about it, it’s a practice seen even in nature. Many species of animals decorate themselves with foliage an other ornaments during mating season. So I don’t think it’s “unnatural” or “fake” to want to mold oneself into a certain image with makeup, hair dye, and possibly plastic surgery; it’s all just an advanced form of primal self-decoration.

All that being said, I think most girls need to chill out and just grow a pair. If you come across a girl that’s prettier than you perceive yourself to be, try complimenting her instead of shooting her down. Or if you find her look that unappealing, try just keeping it to yourself and being cordial for a change.

Some of you may remember my Weight Watchers-related post in which I expressed some frustration at the inability of my body to lose weight without gaining it right back. My best friend was no stranger to this plight of mine; I told her after my first month in Weight Watchers that I thought about quitting because I didn’t seem to be having any improvement. She urged me to stick with it, insisted that the beginning is always rough, and then put me on the spot in front of the group leader, calling me out with “So guess who was going to be a quitter today?”

So I begrudgingly stuck with it for another month, another $40-something down the drain. I tracked my points, maintained a level of exercise somewhere above sedentary that didn’t aggravate my knee ailment*, and did everything that I was supposed to be doing. In a perfect world, I would have been losing weight, no problem. My body seemed to think otherwise though, and I continued to gain/stay roughly around the same weight.

During this time, it seemed to me – and this could very well have just been my own, embittered perception of things – that my best friend flaunted her weight loss and it got to the point where I felt like I was just having my nose rubbed in it. To make things clear, I think that she has every right to be proud of her weight loss, 30 pounds is nothing to sniff at. She could, however, be a little more conscientious of those around her who were still struggling. That’s just my opinion, though. My breaking point was on St. Patty’s Day, when she approached me and said, in the most taunting tone ever, “so guess what? I went shopping today, and I bought this t-shirt, and guess what size it is? Extra small!!!”

At that point, I was already drinking, but it rubbed me in such a wrong way that the next day I sent her a text** expressing my frustration and misery. Friends, I thought, were supposed to share those kinds of things with each other. And then, as the adults they are, they talk it out, squash shit, get on with their lives, and everything is peaches again. Now, because there’s been some dispute over the “tone” of my text, I’ll post it right below, and leave it open to interpretation.

“Hay so, I don’t wanna sound mean or crappy or anything, and I know you’re really proud of your weight loss and I’m happy for you. I’m very unhappy with myself because I feel like I’ve made no improvement, so saying stuff like “and the shirt I bought was an /extra small/!!” and stuff like that makes me feel like I’m having my nose rubbed in it and makes me feel even shittier. Not saying you shouldn’t be proud of your accomplishments, because you have every right to be. I’m just letting you know that saying that stuff around me makes me feel shitty.”

Instead of any sort of response, I was rewarded with a 3-day silent treatment. On the evening of the 3rd day, I asked her if she was mad at me, and she replied with accusations of how I’m trying to change her or ask her to not be happy around me, and how she’s disappointed that she can’t “share [her] joy with someone who is supposed to be [her] best friend.” I apologized for her misinterpretation of the message, to which she acted like I owed her that apology. Like I did something wrong.

Okay, fine. I believed it for a little while, that I had somehow severely wronged her and that I should do what I can to make it right. I reached out to her fiancee, with whom I was also good friends, and asked if he saw any point in salvaging the friendship. He assured me he was doing what he could to keep the friendship from completely dissolving, and that he had hope for us yet. I just needed to give her some time to cool off, he said, which I thought was a a little ridiculous for a plethora of reasons, but I went along with it anyway. Especially because I was still under the impression that I was in the wrong for what I said.

Over the next few weeks, it started to dawn on me: what did I actually do wrong? I was being shunned my someone who was my best friend for the past few years, all because I cried to her about how crappy I was feeling. At this point, I still had intentions to salvage our friendship, because we’d been best friends for a few years now, and it would be silly to throw all that down the drain over something like this.

I was tired of waiting (and honestly, what adult should have to wait nearly a month to reconcile with another adult? In my opinion, it should all have been squashed days after it happened, but I digress), so I reached out to her via IM and told her I was free the following day if she wanted to get together, talk things out, and salvage our friendship. She replied with a tersely worded, “I’m busy tomorrow, I’ll get back to you.”

Two days later, at 11pm, when I still hadn’t heard from her, it was pretty clear what her intentions were for our friendship. I was at the point of no fucks left to give. I wasn’t going to wait around indefinitely to salvage the pieces of a friendship that would be on eggshells from that point on. And I certainly wasn’t going to salvage the pieces of a friendship where I was being made to feel like sharing my crappy feelings was a selfish and wrong thing.

I bitched about it on facebook. The shit hit the fan.

Her fiancee quickly stepped in and assaulted me, accusing me of “jumping the gun” by posting on facebook, being selfish by trying to take away the only happiness she has had in a long time, and insisted that everyone she showed my text to thought I was being just as aggressive. Even though, when I was still grovelling and trying to make things right, I had clarified that it was not my intention to take away anyone’s happiness, nor was I even asking her to act differently around me. I was at a low point and I shared my feelings – as friends are supposed to do - and hoped only that she would be a little more considerate with her statements around me. I don’t see why it’s necessary to gloat about your weight loss to begin with, and I have friends who have made amazing bodily changes and don’t talk about it around others at all. Like my friend Katie, who added this little gem to the facebook war:

As someone who has lost a significant amount of weight via gastric bypass… I can attest to the fact of a serious personality change. I like to think mine is for the best…. But it’s not the same for everyone.
Yes. She is allowed to be excited about her weight loss and is most absolutely allowed to be proud and be excited about the change.
However… When it comes to weight loss (or life in general really) ….. People still need to be understanding of others and their emotional state regarding the situation.
As a BEST FRIEND… She should have recognized and acknowledged your feelings instead of continuing to “horn-toot”.
Personally… I try my damnedest to NOT flaunt my weight loss and make it the topic of conversation when I am with a friend or acquaintance who is struggling with their own weight.
I have friends who are struggling with their weight and they still come and acknowledge my weight loss and praise me (like you Arwen so I don’t understand the whole not being able to share the happiness thing). It’s just a matter of compassion.
This situation I think was a one time comment that got blown out of proportion because the situation involved women.
Relationships are only as strong as the weakest link.
Also…. I believe silent treatments should have stopped at the age of 17.
Just throwin in my 2 cents.

After being ignored because of the verbal assault going on between me and my ex-best friend’s fiancee, and after I was accused of “sending the wrong vibes” because I sent a text instead of confronting face to face, Katie again chimed in:

Again. I’m going to chime in here.
I think regardless of how the message was delivered… It would have been taken the same way.
Why? Because it was women and weight.
That’s just how it goes.
Even before my surgery I had a “best friend” tell another friend that if I were skinny she wouldn’t be able to be my friend because then that would make me the pretty one in the group and she would have to compete with me for the boys and she liked being the pretty one in the group.
After that more shit hit the fan and she and I are no longer friends.
I can honestly say that had Arwen come to me and said to me “I’m happy for you and your weight loss but you saying how small you got around me makes me feel shitty” …
I would have apologized for making her upset. Not for what I said. Just for making her upset. Then I would have tried to offer advice if that’s what she wanted or I would have asked if there was anything I could do.
At this point I think it would be best for both parties to just go separate ways.
That’s all.

Out of all the adversity and drama I faced in the past few weeks, it’s nice to know that at least one of my friends has a good, rational head on their shoulders, and provided quite the objective opinion whilst not putting anyone down or fluffing anyone’s ego. It’s a shame those words fell on deaf ears as my ex-friend’s fiancee continued his tirade against me.

Oh well. It’s all over and done with now, and I don’t need to be friends with someone like that, anyway. There were a few extra casualties in terms of friendship along the way, but at least I know where my loyalties are.

* – When I was in London, I somehow injured a tendon in my knee. The doctor has pretty much forbid me from doing things that bend my knee excessively/repeatedly, a.k.a. most cardio exercise.

** – I’ve been over this with quite a few people and I realize that sending a text was probably not the best course of action, but a few people didn’t see it as that big of a deal. Yes, I should have confronted her to her face instead of the text, but I came to the conclusion later on that her reaction would have been the same regardless.

Let me start by saying that I’m one of those people who goes to conventions in cosplay and lurks about the dealers’ room or runs around posing for pictures most of the time. I could give a fuck about the panels, and I only attended one this year. (Which, by the way, was hilarious and fantastic. I’m glad I went to it.)

So, I-CON was hosted at Stony Brook University. Stony Brook University has this no weapons policy, which is cool and all, but this year they went above and beyond with the ridiculousness of the policy. I cosplayed Eureeka from Eureeka’s Castle (a semi-obscure early 90′s kids show), and I had this wand. It was a fimo clay, plastic rhinestone, and wooden dowel wand. Apparently, it was considered a weapon, and piece-bound with zip ties to my wrist. I wasn’t the only one to complain about the ridiculousness of it all, but when I asked the security and info desks about it, all they could tell me was “it’s not our decision, it’s Stony Brook’s decision.” On the 2nd and 3rd day of the convention, I got away with not having my wand zip-tied by avoiding the shit out of those people, and by keeping a single zip tie attached to my wand to show that it had been “checked”. I wasn’t the only victim: a girl dressed in Lolita had her parasol zip-tied to her bag. A parasol. Seriously? Yet, there were guys walking around with massive staffs as tall as them that only warranted a single zip-tie to adorn them.

We also got in trouble (see also: reprimanded and asked to leave the building) for taking pictures in the Wang Center, but we technically weren’t supposed to be there to begin with.

So, yeah. I attended one panel. A panel about zombie politics. No wait, hear me out. It was co-hosted by my friend Katie’s boyfriend, who was a liberal zombie. His partner, a conservative zombie. Their panel was all about gaining rights for zombies and zombies in politics. They had a Q & A session with the attendees. It was awesome.

The absolute best part of my weekend, though, was tweeting a picture of my costume to R. L. Stine – children’s horror author and co-creator of Eureeka’s Castle – and receiving a response. Yeah, totally made my life.

From a cosplayer’s perspective, I enjoyed I-CON because the drama is almost non-existent. There was a little bit stirred up between the people I was hanging out with and others at the con, but nothing really significant. My weekend was filled with good friends, good times, and cookies. Lots of cookies.

Since I really only took pictures of my friends being derpy, you should check out Babette Daniels’ photos from the convention. Her photos are amazing!

Overall, I don’t mind this phone. The WordPress app is better than the one for Blackberry, as is the Twitter app. I like that I now have the capability to screencap things on my phone, so I can quickly immortalize hilarious things said in texts. However. I never realized how awful I was at typing on a touch screen. Thank goodness for autocorrect, though it’s already screwed me up a couple times. I’m also kind of disappointed at the battery life on this thing, but not many can compare to the Blackberry. I can’t use 3G because AT&T and t-mobile are on different frequencies, but I’m okay with only being limited to EDGE.

I don’t plan on being an iPhone user forever, I’m just using this until I can get my planned Android upgrade. What about other iPhone users out there? What do you like or dislike about your iPhone?

My first week, I lost 1.8 pounds. I was thrilled; until my second weigh-in where I gained 2.4 pounds. I’d been doing everything right and tracking religiously, so where did I go wrong? The fact also that everyone around me only continued to lose weight made my gain that much more bitter. This week, I was sure I’d gain again because I went out partying twice during the week. I also haven’t really been able to exercise thanks to this injury my orthopedist refers to as “snapping knee”. It’s not an issue of high- or low-impact workouts, it’s an issue of I can’t even bend my knee at all without pain.

But, I digress. This week I went to my meeting with a heavy heart, knowing for sure I was going to gain. Lo and behold, I lost 1.2 pounds, putting my overall gain/loss at -0.6. It’s not where I’d like to be, but it’s a start. I’m just hoping I don’t go back up next week.

One of the obvious pluses of joining WeightWatchers is that I’ve been making healthier food choices. I started a Project 365 this year, and the first picture I posted was of my New Years’ Day breakfast. After joining WeightWatchers, I revisited that photo, and, based on the foods in the picture, guesstimated and calculated the number of points I ate. It came out to a whopping 15 points worth of food (and I get a 26 point limit per day, for reference), and I was eating a breakfast like that almost every day. Now, I’m more inclined to make something like my veggie omelette for breakfast, which is just as satisfying and a whole 10 points less.

You see, in November, I was invited along by a coworker of mine at my salon to attend this Jerseylicious taping that was being held in Queens. They were holding an event at a banquet hall, and it would be full of hairdressers from all over the tri-state area. At that point, I’d never even heard of Jerseylicious before, but with a name like that, I knew it couldn’t be all that great. Still, I went along for shits and giggles.

Who knew it’d land me an opportunity to be on TV?

Granted, I was just one of the many in the background at the “CPSA mixer” half of the episode, but my unique haircolor at the time gave me an advantage. Spotting myself in the crowds was as simple as looking for the bright colors in a sea of blonde, brunette, and auburn.

So if that’s to be my 15 minutes of fame, so be it. It was fun, and actually being on television has given me some kind of ridiculous ego boost. XD

I adore Kayla’s work as a photographer and an artist, and I wish we weren’t both total flakes and were able to work more together. The last (and actually, first) time I worked with her, my friend Billy ended up dead and disemboweled in a bathtub, and that was nearly a year ago. That whole shoot was a blast, even though my cuticles were stained from the fake blood for nearly an entire week afterwards.

She’s got another project coming up soon which focuses on the elements, and she wants me to model for her again. It won’t just be pretty makeup this time though, there will be a twist. I can’t wait! ^_^

Since posting all 500-somewhat pictures that made the cut (I took over 650) here would be nothing short of insane, you can check out the highlights from each day of my trip on my Shuttercal, where I’m currently posting a 365 project. (And in case you need specifics, my trip was from January 18-25.)

I saw the landmarks of London: Buckingham Palace (though I missed the changing of the guard), Tower of London, Tower Bridge, Big Ben and Parliament, the London Eye, and Harrods. I visited the British Museum, the Victoria & Albert museum, and the Museum of Natural History. I saw The Lion King Musical and Wicked. I drank tea, I ate fish and chips, I rode the tube, and most importantly, I partied it up with the gays in Soho.

The nightlife in London is quite different from the nightlife here. Over here, it’s not unusual to go out to a bar or club and stay out until 4 or 5 in the morning, sometimes even later. In London (and I’m assuming the UK in general), the bars close at midnight, and the “late” clubs are open until 3am. But, there, you’re allowed to have alcohol out in the streets. Here, it’s a ticketable offense.

I also stopped into a few salons to find out what are the requirements of working as a hairdresser. It seems to be a lot easier than it is here – you don’t have to actually go to school for it there, you just start assisting/apprenticing at a salon. I’m going to work on getting more established/having more experience here, and then I’m going to look into obtaining a work visa.

I stayed at a hostel while I was there, in the heart of central London. (Piccadilly Backpackers, for anyone interested.) For 6 nights, it was $200, and I shared a room with 5 other people that I had little to no interaction with. Aside from my roommates being a little on the sloppy side, the room and the bathrooms were clean, the place had decent security, and I would definitely stay there again. I was a little apprehensive about staying in a hostel at first, especially with the stigma surrounding it, but it wasn’t bad at all.

There are a few things I would do differently next time. I decided against bringing my laptop along because I didn’t think it was necessary, but it would have been immensely helpful, because the hostel charged to use their computer cafe. Instead, I trekked to the Apple store every time I wanted to check facebook, my email, or whatnot. Also, the hostel didn’t have any cooking facilities, but next time I would put more time and effort into grocery shopping instead of just eating out every day. It was unhealthy and expensive. And lastly, I am bringing business cards with me next time. I met a few people in bars and clubs – some of them in industries complimentary to my own – and because writing my email down on a scrap of paper obviously got lost along the way, those contacts were lost forever.

But, other than those few things, my trip was amazing, and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat!