Do I attract weirdos?

Seriously, do I wear a sign that says “Hi, I talk to weirdos!” or something like that? Or do I give off some sort of invisible radio waves that only the strange and quirky can sense? I’m starting to think that I do, because the weirdos always come flocking. Like today, where I had three different incidents.

The men at my job are ridiculously immature. They’re all courteous and respectful towards the ladies, but other than that it’s hi, welcome to third grade. The men’s locker room is always loud with swearing, raunchy jokes, and raucous laughter. Yesterday one of the janitors went around proudly displaying his new belt buckle, which featured the three “no evil” monkeys (hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil), plus a fourth “kiss my ass” monkey.

Today, I was crammed in the elevator along with a number of the custodial staff all on our way to lunch. Amidst the talking, monkey guy said “Yeah, like the four monkeys! Hehehe” and winked at me. I let out a half-hearted chuckle, and exited the elevator as soon as I could.

Coming back from lunch, we all crammed in the elevator again (a slightly different group of people though, along with some students). There was a news bulletin on the tv in the elevator stating that Kylie Minogue has been diagnosed with breast cancer. One of the men gasped, “Kylie Minogue has cancer?” A female student in the elevator asked, “Who’s Kylie Minogue?” I replied, “She’s a singer.”  Someone asked what she sang, and I said, “You know, that song I just can’t get you out of my head?” and proceeded to sing part of the chorus to that song. We all got off the elevator, and the guy who’d so tragically mourned the news told me I had a great singing voice. “That’s because I’ve sung professionally,” I gloated, and went on to explain how I was in high school choir and took voice lessons in previous years. He then asked me to marry him, to which I replied, “Sorry, already taken,” and pointed to the wedding ring.

On my way to the train, some random guy asked me out. Imagine, if you will, a less dopey-looking Napoleon Dynamite with more meat on his bones. Same hair, same glasses, and a more nasal voice. As I walked by, he said “Will you go out with me? I’ll buy you dinner…” I didn’t reply, didn’t flinch, didn’t even stop. After all, he was standing in front of Peep World. If you don’t know what kind of store Peep World is, here’s a hint: they don’t sell marshmallow chicks.

Tags: breast cancer, elevator, four monkeys, juvenile humor, kiss my ass, kylie minogue, marshmallow chicks, napoleon dynamite, peep world, singing, strange people, voice lessons, weirdos, Work

April 8th, 2008 | WTF | Leave a response